How do i twitter? A Crash Course in Tweeting

So yesterday my aunt/bff Staci texted me and asked me to help her figure out twitter. We've been saying we would have a twitter-instruction party for a long time but it just hasn't happened. And, seeing that she's going on a road trip this weekend and needs some good ol' fashioned internet entertainment, I figured I'd write a condensed guide to the weird little world of twitter.

HOW TO TWITTER
by Lauren Haws

A tweet is like a facebook status, but with a character limit of 140. The beauty of this character limit is that where on facebook you basically have unlimited space to be funny and entertaining, the wannabe comedians of twitter must be funny in much less space. Which leads to more hilarious stuff.

To write a tweet, open your twitter app and look for the little quill pen icon in the right upper corner:


Say hello to my twitter feed. I "follow" people and their tweets show up on my feed. Just like when you friend someone on facebook and their posts show up on your newsfeed.

So you click on the little button and it takes you to the compose tweet page:


So type out your message in the little box. Speak your mind, but keep it confined to 140 characters (surprisingly more difficult than you would imagine).



I wrote out my message, and added a hashtag.

A hashtag is a set of words with a "#" sign in front of them with no spaces between which turns the word that is hashtagged into a link. If you click on the link, for instance, in this tweet the hashtag is "bffs4life", so if I tap on the hashtag it will take me to every other post on twitter with the hashtag "bffs4life".
Hashtags can turn hilarious when used ironically. For instance, I was on facebook (one of the last to hop on the hashtag bandwagon after twitter and instagram) and one of my friends posted a post about the new facebook hashtags that was something along the lines of "facebook has hashtags now?! #wow #hashtags #arewehumanorarewehashtag"

#AREWEHUMANORAREWEHASHTAG hilarious.

Anyway, don't let hashtags wig you out. After exploring twitter for a little bit you'll start to get in the groove of hashtags and it'll be easy to throw them in there.

Notice I also have "@bentleysusan828" thrown on there. This is like a hashtag but it links to your friend's twitter profile. So when I publish this tweet, someone could tap on her name and go to her profile. Tagging someone also causes it to show up in their notifications. So it is also used for responding to tweets.



See, if I click on the connect tab at the bottom, it takes me to all the tweets I was mentioned in. So let's say I click on that last one.



Here's the actual tweet. I like this tweet, so I tap the star icon- this means I favorited it. It's exactly like "liking" something on facebook. That will also pop up on Hannah's notifications, and that'll probably make her smile (see folks, this is how you win friends and influence people. Through favoriting tweets on twitter.)

But that tweet is kind of too awesome to just favorite. So I can go one step further:



I tap the little green-arrow-circle-thingy icon. This means I retweeted it. This copies the tweet and moves it to my profile. That means that other people can see it, and it looks like this:


It will show up like this on my profile AND on my friends new feeds, as if I was the one who tweeted it- the only difference if that it has the little "retweeted" thing at the bottom. So as you're scrolling through your twitter feed, you'll see lots of tweets from people you don't know...this is because people you follow are retweeting them- because they like them, or they think they're funny, or they're something nice.

This is also how people get twitter famous. Because if your tweets are being retweeted, that means a whole new crowd of twitter users gets exposed to your tweets and they can go follow you if they like what they see. So, if you get retweeted that is something to be excited about.



So this last icon is the reply button- this is how she wrote the tweet to me in the first place. I made a comment about something in a tweet, she wanted to say something and responded with that tweet up there that I favorited and retweeted. I saw her response because when you hit the reply button, it automatically starts out the tweet with that "@..." reply thing with your username. And then you just type and publish like a normal tweet and this allows them to see it.



once you're done with a tweet, just hit the home button in that corner and it'll take you back to your news feed where you can look at some more tweets.


One of the other entertaining twitter activites to partake in is the "trending topics" category. Trending is a list of popular tweets, that can be found if you go here:

click on "discover" at the bottom.


Then scroll down until you see "trends":


There might be some gems right here, but if there isn't, tap "view all trends" and it will take you to a big ol' list:



and scroll through until you find something you think might be entertaining. I noticed "#wrongfilmquotes" at the bottom and figured that seemed like a winner:



Scroll and read and laugh and experience the hilariousness. If you have something funny to contribute, go create a tweet with the featured hashtag in it and your tweet will appear here, too.




Anyway, to wrap it all up, here's some twitter fun that happened to me this morning.

So I noticed in the trending category, one of the top hashtags was "#oneruleduringsex". I personally didn't even need to click on it, I just had an idea for a post. So I did a little google search and attached an image and voila!!:






(I couldn't fit it all in one screen shot, but theres the whole thing. Note the "six favorites" at the bottom and the two responses. Booyah!)

Hey, I thought it was pretty funny.


Hopefully this was somewhat helpful.

xoxo, Lauren <3


PS: I have some personal favorite people that I follow so I'll just list 'em:
The Bloggess @thebloggess
Thanks Obama @dangitobama
no @tbhjuststop
Wrong Lyrics @wronglyrics
Kat Barger (she's my english teacher from junior year and she cracks me up) @katplusgatz
YA BOY BILL NYE (gangsta speak+ science= hilarious) @yaboybillnye
Puns @omgthatspunny
Typical White Girl (a personal favorite of mine) @TypicalGirl

I Would Blog More But My Life is Boring and I Basically Have Nothing To Write About.

This blog post could alternately be titled "The Life Of a Recent High School Grad Anxiously Awaiting College". Either way.

I've gotta say, lately I've felt really lost. Not like can't-find-your-mom-in-Walmart-when-you-were-five (which wouldn't even be an issue today because the five year olds all have iPhones and they can just tweet about being lost and their moms will read it and be like "@littlefiveyearold k. I'll come find you. hugs #lovemykids") but more of a showing-up-to-a-party-and-you-only-know-one-person-and-they-don't-talk-to-you-because-they're-too-busy-socializing-with-their-friends-which-are-unfortunately-not-your-friends feeling.

And it totally sucks.

I knew there would be a lot of big changes after graduation. And I knew I would feel different. But everyone who said I would feel different made it seem like I would feel more free and excited for the future, but I find that I just feel confused and lost. I go to work everyday except Saturday and Sunday and I sit at a desk and answer a few phones calls and lots of people come up and complain and it just is not that fun. Not that 40 hour work weeks are ever fun. And meanwhile, tons of my peers have scholarships so their working is just adding to their spending money, while I'm a little over halfway to my money-saving goals (I have time, thankfully, but it would be nice to just be saving all of this for fun money).
And then there's church. The Mormon church has a youth program that is for 12 year olds to high school grads...so I'm officially out of young women's. And that's so weird for me. For six years I have been totally spoiled- I had a class of girls all my age who were going through the same stuff and usually went to school with me. I had at least 2 leaders specifically assigned to me, to making sure I was okay and happy and who would always be there for me. I had a weekly mutual activity that was a fun escape from my problems and things that were weighing on me and have some fun. And now I'm in Relief Society, the program designed for women...but I don't feel like I belong in there. At all. I am in a completely different stage of life. I am this teenage girl and many of them are young moms, middle aged women, and elderly women. Which is fine. And they are all fantastic women. But I just don't feel like I belong. When I sit down in relief society I feel like I sat down in the wrong room and I need to go back over to young women's. And I hate feeling that way, because I know they work so hard so that I don't feel like that...but it happens anyway. And it's hard for me.

It sucks being lonely.

And as I look around it seems like I am the only one feeling this way. Everyone seems to be having fun, going on adventures with their friends, moving out to college for the summer programs, leaving on missions, and just having a great time and loving life. And I'm here, doing nothing too exciting, feeling like a fish out of water.
And the worst part about this is I WANT TO BLOG BUT THERE IS NOTHING TO TALK ABOUT BECAUSE MY LIFE IS SUPER DUPER BORING AND LAME. For real you guys. I apologize for being whiny. I will try to write about more exciting things because I want to start really getting into this blogging business.


In other news, I have found some really cool stuff lately, too.

1. The Last Five Years by Jason Robert Brown.
I am kind of a closet theater nerd. Well, sort of. I just enjoy a really well written play. And that's where The Last Five Years spoke to me. The play tells the story of a couple and the course of their relationship as they meet, fall in love, get married, and then divorce, all in five years. And that's where it gets even better. Jamie, the husband, tells the story chronologically, starting right after their first date. But Cathy, the wife, tells the story backwards, starting with the day Jamie moves out and ending right after their first date- so the couple only directly crosses paths once in the middle at their wedding. The whole thing is (obviously) very emotional, but what got me was the final song- "Goodbye Until Tomorrow/I Could Never Rescue You". Cathy starts off the song singing "goodbye until tomorrow" after their first date, while Jamie, after packing his things and moving out post-divorce, sings "I could never rescue you" and basically says goodbye forever. Even if you don't watch the whole thing, I would highly recommend listening to this song. So awesome.


Here's the original cast members singing Goodbye Until Tomorrow....sooo good. The audio isn't the best quality but the performance is on point.



Here's another favorite- the opening song to the play. This one is phenomenal. Watch out for some of the amazing lyrics- my personal favorite: "Jamie is over and where do I turn/covered with scars I did nothing to earn/maybe there's somewhere a lesson to learn/but that doesn't change the facts/and that doesn't speed the time". like OH MAH GOODNESS what is life this is brilliant.


And here we have what is probably my favorite song of the musical- Jamie singing how in love he is with Cathy. And it KILLS ME. SO cute.


2. TWITTER
I never thought I'd be a fan of twitter but, what can I say, I'm in love. It's like talking to yourself on a public forum. It doesn't get better than that. Plus, hashtags. Nuff said.


3. OMG YOU GUYS MY HAIR FEELS OKAY
If you read my last post, here's a hair update- IT FEELS OKAY. Like, guys, I only have to wash it every other day. I get to sleep in now. Best thing ever. And maybe someday I'll have nice hair. Hopefully.

Well, anyway. Cross your fingers that I get out of this funk.

adventures in hair

dear diary,

today is the third day in the last three years (but specifically the last 2 weeks) that i have not washed my hair.

i would say the pickiness regarding my hair began 2 days before I started junior high. I was twelve, and I wanted to try to spice up my lame, ash brown bob into something a little more exciting...so hair dye seemed like a logical change. I went to the store with my mom, picked up a box of herbal essences auburn hair dye, and came home to try it out. I followed the directions to a T-- mixing everything correctly, having my mom help with the application, setting the timer for exactly 20 minutes. And the whole time my mom kept saying "wow, this is really red-looking" and little twelve-year-old me was like "oh, itll look different on my hair, I'm sure" but to be honest, I think I was a teensy bit worried about the outcome of this grand hair-dying adventure, and I anxiously waited the 20 minute block out to see my crazy new 'do.

Right as the timer rang I rushed to wash it out and, to my horror, it was red. Really really really red. Fire hydrant red. Or, that's what I remember (in hindsight, it probably wasn't all that bright. I was just an insecure little girl who was quite shy and couldn't really rock any sort of unique hairdo). But anyway. It was really really really red. I remembered sitting in front of the mirror, staring at my vibrant locks and wondering why the crap did I just do that to my hair. AND it was two days before my FIRST DAY OF JUNIOR HIGH. Oh dear. This is a disaster, I thought. I could never reverse this (this was before my days of being a hair-dying master and knowing that I could pretty easily fix this disasterous 'do with an 8 dollar box of hair dye from the store and a little know-how, but whatever) and I would be stuck with Ariel hair (but less pretty because it was short and not a lovely flowing mane) for the rest of my life and people would laugh at me and what was a girl to do? I decided to wash it again. I noticed everytime I washed it the dye faded a little....and this was where a monster was created, my friends.

Yes, I do believe that this was the day that I became addicted to washing my hair.

Now, you might be thinking to yourself, how is that a bad thing? Are you upset at yourself for taking too many shower and being far TOO clean? Nope. Turns out washing your hair daily is a bad thing.

But, first, another hair mis-adventure in the life of Lauren.

So it was the fall of last year, and I had my hair the longest it had been since kindergarten. I loved my hair.It was long. it was thick. It was just lovely. But it was battered. Seriously. My hair was on it's deathbed. But, of course, me being the obsessive hair-washer that I am, I just kept washing and blow-drying it...ON A DAILY BASIS. I was literally frying my hair. Not to mention I had a little adventure with some blonde-ness for the summer and that basically beat the crap out of my hair.
But alas, I didn't notice the damage until it was too late. I just kept straightening with my 500+degree (and probably illegal/black market purchase) straight iron and equally damaging curling wand. I never deep conditioned, never trimmed, and one day I made a truly heartbreaking discovery.


My hair was uneven. Seriously. I had fried one side of my hair so badly that it was shriveling up and making one side about two inches shorter than the other.
My worst nightmares had been manifested. I had to cut my hair that I loved so dearly. There was no other way (except maybe getting extensions on just one side, but that's kind of dumb). So I called up my fabulous hairstylist and made an appointment. I felt like I was going in for an evasive surgery. Or maybe going to my own execution (that may seem dramatic, but most girls will understand the weird emotional attachment to hair).
At my appointment, I explained my dilemna and (I completely blame myself for this one) I said "Can you take off all the dead stuff? And can I have layers?" You know in horror movies where the stupid victim hears a noise in the cellar and is like "Well, that was scary. Better go see what that was!" and you want to throw things at the TV and scream NO WHAT ARE YOU DOING CLEARLY IF YOU HEAR  A NOISE IN THE BASEMENT THERES A PROBLEM LIKE SERIOUSLY DUH? Or in a romance movie where the effortlessly beautiful main character meets the dashing troublemaker and falls in love and you know he's cheating on her and you're like NO HE MAY BE CUTE BUT HE'S BAD NEWS? Yeah, if this was a movie of me and I was watching it I would probably say NO DON'T ASK FOR THE DEAD ENDS OFF YOU KNOW THAT'S HAIRDRESSER CODE FOR "CHOP IT ALL OFF PLEASE" NO STOP LAUREN and throw handfuls of popcorn at the screen.
She started cutting and she put a peice of hair in front of me and said "That's a long piece". And I felt my stomach drop because it was AT LEAST 4, maybe 5 inches shorter than my old hair. I wanted to cry. The regret was terrible. I sat there and watched all my beloved hair fall to the ground and I tried to stay calm. But when I got home to my new, actually kind of short haircut, I bawled. My hair was gone. I didn't even feel pretty anymore. I was seriously distraught. And before you all judge me, none of you can claim that you've never cried over your hair before because I KNOW you have!

So anyway, here I am, 8 months later and my hair is still no where near the length that it was. I want my long hair back. And I am bound and determined to get it there before I go to college in January.

I decided something had to change. Why was my hair suddenly at a standstill? Why wasn't it growing faster? WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS?! And so I asked my aspiring cosmetologist sister who seriously has some of the most fantastic, long hair I've ever seen in my entire life, and she said "Well, stop wahsing it everyday".

What the heck? Why would I do that? What a ridiculous request. She was silly. I could keep washing my hair, it gets icky....right?? If I don't wash it, it turns into an oily mess. But, according to her, not washing it regulates the oils and encourages it to grow. And it keeps it from breaking off, so it appears to grow faster. Sounded pretty mice to me, but I could literally not even stand the thought of my second day hair. At least, not at school.

But I just graduated high school. And I have until January until I start school. So what better time to start than now?

So here I am, my third time not washing my hair. And I will admit, it gets so much better. So wish me luck, I will have my hair back by college, and healthy this time.

And I'm gonna be the cutest college freshman you ever did see at BYUI. Not to mention really humble, too.

sigh. my old hair. RIP. you are missed.

look at that uneven hair of mine. oh dearest me.

a post haircut shot. can you see how short that is?! and look how distraught i am. I wasn't kidding.