I Would Blog More But My Life is Boring and I Basically Have Nothing To Write About.

This blog post could alternately be titled "The Life Of a Recent High School Grad Anxiously Awaiting College". Either way.

I've gotta say, lately I've felt really lost. Not like can't-find-your-mom-in-Walmart-when-you-were-five (which wouldn't even be an issue today because the five year olds all have iPhones and they can just tweet about being lost and their moms will read it and be like "@littlefiveyearold k. I'll come find you. hugs #lovemykids") but more of a showing-up-to-a-party-and-you-only-know-one-person-and-they-don't-talk-to-you-because-they're-too-busy-socializing-with-their-friends-which-are-unfortunately-not-your-friends feeling.

And it totally sucks.

I knew there would be a lot of big changes after graduation. And I knew I would feel different. But everyone who said I would feel different made it seem like I would feel more free and excited for the future, but I find that I just feel confused and lost. I go to work everyday except Saturday and Sunday and I sit at a desk and answer a few phones calls and lots of people come up and complain and it just is not that fun. Not that 40 hour work weeks are ever fun. And meanwhile, tons of my peers have scholarships so their working is just adding to their spending money, while I'm a little over halfway to my money-saving goals (I have time, thankfully, but it would be nice to just be saving all of this for fun money).
And then there's church. The Mormon church has a youth program that is for 12 year olds to high school grads...so I'm officially out of young women's. And that's so weird for me. For six years I have been totally spoiled- I had a class of girls all my age who were going through the same stuff and usually went to school with me. I had at least 2 leaders specifically assigned to me, to making sure I was okay and happy and who would always be there for me. I had a weekly mutual activity that was a fun escape from my problems and things that were weighing on me and have some fun. And now I'm in Relief Society, the program designed for women...but I don't feel like I belong in there. At all. I am in a completely different stage of life. I am this teenage girl and many of them are young moms, middle aged women, and elderly women. Which is fine. And they are all fantastic women. But I just don't feel like I belong. When I sit down in relief society I feel like I sat down in the wrong room and I need to go back over to young women's. And I hate feeling that way, because I know they work so hard so that I don't feel like that...but it happens anyway. And it's hard for me.

It sucks being lonely.

And as I look around it seems like I am the only one feeling this way. Everyone seems to be having fun, going on adventures with their friends, moving out to college for the summer programs, leaving on missions, and just having a great time and loving life. And I'm here, doing nothing too exciting, feeling like a fish out of water.
And the worst part about this is I WANT TO BLOG BUT THERE IS NOTHING TO TALK ABOUT BECAUSE MY LIFE IS SUPER DUPER BORING AND LAME. For real you guys. I apologize for being whiny. I will try to write about more exciting things because I want to start really getting into this blogging business.


In other news, I have found some really cool stuff lately, too.

1. The Last Five Years by Jason Robert Brown.
I am kind of a closet theater nerd. Well, sort of. I just enjoy a really well written play. And that's where The Last Five Years spoke to me. The play tells the story of a couple and the course of their relationship as they meet, fall in love, get married, and then divorce, all in five years. And that's where it gets even better. Jamie, the husband, tells the story chronologically, starting right after their first date. But Cathy, the wife, tells the story backwards, starting with the day Jamie moves out and ending right after their first date- so the couple only directly crosses paths once in the middle at their wedding. The whole thing is (obviously) very emotional, but what got me was the final song- "Goodbye Until Tomorrow/I Could Never Rescue You". Cathy starts off the song singing "goodbye until tomorrow" after their first date, while Jamie, after packing his things and moving out post-divorce, sings "I could never rescue you" and basically says goodbye forever. Even if you don't watch the whole thing, I would highly recommend listening to this song. So awesome.


Here's the original cast members singing Goodbye Until Tomorrow....sooo good. The audio isn't the best quality but the performance is on point.



Here's another favorite- the opening song to the play. This one is phenomenal. Watch out for some of the amazing lyrics- my personal favorite: "Jamie is over and where do I turn/covered with scars I did nothing to earn/maybe there's somewhere a lesson to learn/but that doesn't change the facts/and that doesn't speed the time". like OH MAH GOODNESS what is life this is brilliant.


And here we have what is probably my favorite song of the musical- Jamie singing how in love he is with Cathy. And it KILLS ME. SO cute.


2. TWITTER
I never thought I'd be a fan of twitter but, what can I say, I'm in love. It's like talking to yourself on a public forum. It doesn't get better than that. Plus, hashtags. Nuff said.


3. OMG YOU GUYS MY HAIR FEELS OKAY
If you read my last post, here's a hair update- IT FEELS OKAY. Like, guys, I only have to wash it every other day. I get to sleep in now. Best thing ever. And maybe someday I'll have nice hair. Hopefully.

Well, anyway. Cross your fingers that I get out of this funk.